New Hire

 
 

Food Startup Seeking Lasting Relationship with Multi-talented, Interesting, Quality Human Being

Fast-growing CPG food startup is looking for undiscovered geniuses, Swiss Army knives, humble ninja-rockstars, food & beverage connoisseurs, and people we enjoy hanging out with every day. 

We're not seeking to fill a position. We're looking for the right people. 

FUNCTIONAL ROLE(S): 

• Logistics & Supply Chain

• Financial Forecasting

• Statistics & Data Analytics

• Payables & Receivables

• Inventory Management

• E-commerce Fulfillment

• Research 

You may not have food biz experience. That's totally cool with us, but we'd love to see evidence that you have the near-term capacity to be a superstar in the wild world of CPG. 

The more boxes you check, the more interested we will be:

ESSENTIALS

# MS Excel Commando

# Dreams in spreadsheets

# Details excite you - not overwhelm you

# Keen ability to organize data

# You love finding + solving problems others didn't even know were there

# You have 1 food related show you adore

# Organized & conscientious

# Can-do attitude, hustle mentality

# Humble, genuine & not an asshole

# Wicked smaht, quick study

# Self-motivated, self-directed, focused

# Not entitled, prima donna, toxic, or douchebaggy

# Eager to learn, good listener, asks perceptive questions

# You have an A-game, and you bring your A-game to work with you

# Honest, kind, ethical, truthful, Abraham Lincoln-ish (beard and top hat optional)

# Spending time with family and close friends is a big priority for you

BENEFICIALS

# The words “vlookup”, “macro”, and “pivot table” get your blood pumping

# You have 1 food related book you adore

# You know how to write, spell, conjugate, abbreviate, and contract the American dialect of the English language without heavy editing (e.g., you know the difference between their, there, and they're)

# You know a thing or two about fuh-nance

# You pursue health and fitness for the long haul, not just for a few weeks every January 

# You can organize and present data with confidence


ADDITIONALS

# You’ve got a sous vide (or two) at home

# You know your way around an herb garden

# You’re aware heaven is a place in LA called Gjusta

# People besides your mom and your dog say you are funny or have a great sense of humor


OPTIONALS

# You know who René Redzepi is (without the Google)

# You take egg cooking seriously 

# You own lots of terracotta colored clothing


TRUE/FALSE QUIZ (EXTRA CREDIT):

T/F: Plants

T/F: All Yogurt is made from Dairy

T/F: Excel is useful in all aspects of life

T/F: Franklin’s is the best barbecue in America

T/F: True/False quizzes are mean. 


HOW TO APPLY:


This is a full-time paid position for a high-energy, dedicated, bright, pleasant, ultra-competent person. Apply via email: yummy at culinayogurt dot com. 


Item 1: You will email us at the address above. Let's just call the text of your email your cover letter, okay? Make that interesting. We get lots of emails, and most are stale and boring. Yours? Not so much. 


Item 2: Please send us something that resembles a resume, so that we can have a sense of where you've been all our lives. 


Item 3: Don't forget to send samples of your mostest awesomest work (Powerpoints, JPGs, exquisite spreadsheets, animated GIFs, feature films, Nobel Prizes, and/or links)

Item 4: Please provide at least three GLOWING references from past employers or managers (who are not related to you). If you cannot think of three people who will rave about how you are the greatest thing since coconut yogurt, then you're probably not a good fit. 


Item 5: Attach a spreadsheet detailing how Culina will take over the world’s non-dairy consumption.  Stores, costs, timeframes, profits, products.  Show us how you dream. :)